I guess this whole social media scene makes me truly understand how anti-social many people really are. I've done all the things you are "supposed" to do...use the right hashtags, the right words, the right filters for pics, the honesty, the vulnerability...being real and being me. I have done everything to be honest and to reach real people but I am finding it's way too much work for the results. And so, it would seem, this world may not be good for me. I hate the sense of competition. I hate that I feel I don't compare. That for some reason, if my photo isn't good enough, or not edited enough that it's not worthy of a "Like"! Come on people! Can we get real here?
Why does this even matter? Truth is, it doesn't. In the real world, we love people, we encourage people, we like their pics because we like them. We validate them by engaging in their world. We do things with them...but here is where it gets complicated and frustrating. I am the kind of girl who would make time and I do make time, for the people that I love. I'd bend over backward to just spend a day actually talking to them. I've got friends like this. Thank God. Unfortunately, for me, these great friends are a long ways from me.
So...I am actually letting out a sigh writing this. I guess I am showing the I am truly 52 and no spring chicken when it comes to the world of social connection. I've been through a lot these past 28 years. Life as a caregiver can be taxing and draining. It has worn me a bit thin and I feel it. I need friends with skin on...you know what I am saying. I'd rather sit together with friends and enjoy great food and real conversation. That's what I want. That's what I need. I've never really had enough of it and I think that's why I have tried so hard to connect with people in other ways.
I don't like how it has made me feel inside. Competition isn't good in many ways. And God tells us over and over to not compare our lives the the lives of others. So, I am stepping back and disconnecting a little. I have felt the still small voice of the Lord telling me to slip away so I can spend more time with Him. Can you believe it, I have fought it. So, I think it's time for me to step away and take a hike...figuratively and literally!
In this time, I will regroup. I will remind myself of what really matters and friends, how many likes I get will never matter. I don't even know why I left myself get sucked up into that mindset. That seems to be one of the dangers of social media. It can make you feel like you are not important and that's just a great big lie.
I matter. You matter. WE matter because God made us. We are unique and special and God likes us! That is all that really matters in the end. When I get to heaven, God will not be interested in my earthly popularity...and he won't ask me how many "Likes" I got on IG!
As I am writing this, I am thinking of how much I like myself and my life. Every day I get to create for a living. Our jewelry company has fulfilled so many dreams for us. We get to advocate for mental health and I could not think of a better way to do that. I've met thousands of people and many have reminded us of the courage we possess. I think I forget I have courage. I think I often forget how many people love my work and mission. I think I forget that I am one of a kind and I matter...to God and my family.